I’m considering watermarking my photos from now on….in light of what happened to a friend and that another friend is starting to watermark his. I really hate watermarks, but only because they can distract from the work. In reality though, I really should do it. I know there are moronic jerks in the art world that are willing to do anything for attention, fame, and money.
So…shit. I feel like ranting. Yeah I could just be a decent person and spill myself into the deprived pages of my diary but I don’t feel like it.
So what is there to rant about…hm. Here are some various things on my mind:
Music: I’ve been hearing a lot of songs that bring back nostalgia. Even the radio in the car has been doing that. I’ve been hearing songs that were popular in middle school….and it makes me miss some of those things. Sure middle school sucked because of how awkward I was an how anti social I was…but there are just some things I wish I could experience again. I remember I got my first sketchbook from my artistic friend that moved away just as we were starting high school. I wonder what things would be like if she were still here today.
I miss things a lot, but I’m happy where I’m at now. My life seems to keep getting better. I wonder how long it will last though. I think my best years will be age 18 to 25. After that….I’m not sure. Life changes so dramatically that its hard to predict anything too certain.
Life can be so scary sometimes. Often times I look at random strangers and wonder what they’re hiding behind that blank mask. Sometimes its so hard for me to believe that everyone has thier demons….because I can’t ever see it. Some days I wish I knew, other days I’m glad I don’t know. I wonder how other people deal with it all. I deal in various ways. Most of the time I talk to my boyfriend….but sometimes he doesn’t understand why I’m so sad, or he doesn’t understand my logic. It really hurts sometimes. I always expect him to know what to say or do since we’ve been dating for so long. Probably unrealistic expectations. If it comes down to this case, I talk to a friend. Thats really hard though. Honestly, I only trust people with a certain amount of information. The only one I trust completely is my boyfriend. I have a very hard time trusting other people, especially since almost all of my friends have shown that they can’t be trusted with certain things. Art & Music are the last resort….for some reason. Music therapy is the best. Thats what I call it. Music is medicine for the soul afterall.
I have so much more to say but…I don’t feel like writing it all. Sometimes, my mind won’t let me speak or write what I want. It keeps it in. Its hard to get past it. For tonight, I’ll give in. I should get ready for bed anyways.
But first….I think I’ll listen to Painter Song by Norah Jones and enjoy the cool breeze of the silent summer night. These are the nights I live for. These are the nights that get me through the depressing Minnesota winters.
“What if a demon were to creep after you one night, in your loneliest loneliness, and say, ‘This life which you live must be lived by you once again and innumerable times more; and every pain and joy and thought and sigh must come again to you, all in the same sequence. The eternal hourglass will again and again be turned and you with it, dust of the dust!’ Would you throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse that demon? Or would you answer, ‘Never have I heard anything more divine’?”—Friedrich Nietzsche